Three year anniversary

June 23, 2015 ~ Today marks the three year anniversary of our first hospitalization. (What a strange anniversary to "celebrate"!)

When I think back to that day, how traumatizing it was, and everything that's happened since then.....well, it all feels a little overwhelming. Seven hospitalizations. Multiple visits to the ED for crisis assessments. Endless battles over medications. Sleepless nights. Hope that turns to fear in the same hour. Commitment hearings. Forced medication hearings. Psychotic rants. A lingering sadness deeper than any sadness I've ever felt before. The list goes on and on......

But I've learned some things along the way and, in sharing them, I hope they'll help you a little.

1. The quote, "You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only option" is 100% truth.

2. Angels walk among us. They look like psychiatrists who take time to explain things and aren't afraid to show compassion. They're reliable and intelligent social workers. Nurses who actually sit down to talk with you. Watchful neighbors. Patient and gentle law enforcement officers. Even McDonald's cashiers who smile and say "have a nice day" in a way that makes you think they really hope you do.

3. Trying to look too far into the future is not only exhausting, it's a complete waste of time. Just take care of today and whatever it holds.

4. Even the tiniest of Ordinary Miracles should be acknowledged and celebrated: A glimpse of the person you once knew. A glimmer of insight. A full, uninterrupted night of sleep. An attempt at personal hygiene that didn't require bribery, extortion, or threats of bodily harm.

5. It's perfectly fine to be sad, angry, or discouraged but do yourself a favor - try to look up and move on. Even in the darkest of dark moments there's a little light, and it only takes slightly more effort to choose hope instead of despair.

6. A sense of humor is sometimes the only thing standing between you and complete destruction. We've had some pretty great adventures with The Special Internet that apparently exists at our house.

7. Be grateful for the challenges you don't have. But don't minimize your pain because someone else is experiencing something that looks worse. It's OK to hurt. Find someone who doesn't care that you don't cry pretty and isn't afraid to wrap you up in a big hug.

8. Life is a mixed bag of blessings and challenges. Embrace all of it and seek for balance between the hard things this illness makes us go through and the amazing things the universe offers that can heal us. Even when things are incredibly tough, the sun is still blissfully warm. A big bag of chips with homemade guacamole is still a treat. A moment looking at the stars at night is still wondrous.

9. There are many, many days when you're convinced that you are completely and utterly alone. You're really not, but you won't discover this until you're courageous enough to start sharing your story with others. When you do that, you'll suddenly realize there are a lot of hurting souls around you going through similar experiences and you can help them. Be brave!

10. Believe it or not, the majority of mental health providers actually like working with families who aren't afraid to elbow their way in to the care team, because so many of their patients have absolutely no one. And it breaks their hearts. Don't be afraid to advocate. Ask questions. Seek for understanding. Educate yourself so you can talk intelligently with care providers. And if you're working with a mental health provider who DOESN'T like you wanting to be part of the care team, move along and find one who does.

11. The person you know who has a mental illness may be, at times, just a little difficult to live with. (Just a little.) Remember that it takes incredible courage to admit you have an incurable illness and then live with it every day for the rest of your life, especially when that illness threatens your soul and your understanding of who you really are. He's had experiences and feelings you can't even imagine. So hang on to your heart because there is no problem more important than a person who needs love.

12. Finally, hard things can be done. And if you've survived the hard things you've had to do to this point, you can survive the next hard thing. Stay strong, moms.