If you’re on this page, you may be feeling a little lost right now. Perhaps you suspect that something is not right with your loved one, or perhaps there’s a new diagnosis of mental illness. Maybe you’re dealing with a first hospitalization. Whatever your situation, the start of this journey can be scary.

When my son first got sick, I couldn’t figure out what was going on. He wouldn’t talk to anyone, stopped eating, and stayed up all night. Some nights he paced around the house all night. Other nights he slept outside in the grass.

I was terrified.

When I made an appointment with a psychiatrist and he refused to go, I knew we were going to have to have a crisis to get the ball rolling. Just a few weeks later, that crisis came - along with EMS, and police, and a fire truck - and took him to the hospital for the first time.

After seven hospitalizations and 3-1/2 years at the State Hospital, I know a thing or two about what you might be going through, so here are some tips:

1. Get help. If your gut is telling you something isn’t right, do whatever is needed to get help. Perhaps your child is failing at school, hiding in his bedroom, and /or acting strangely. Resist the urge to think he’s just being a weird teenager. When early intervention happens with psychosis, recovery chances are improved. So if you think something’s wrong, don’t ignore it.

2. Safety First. The first rule of this journey is safety first - even if what you have to do to ensure safety is a very hard thing. If your loved one is a danger to himself or to others, the time to act is now. If you can get him to go to the Emergency Department, do it. If he won’t go, call the police for help. Ask for an officer trained in Crisis Intervention (CIT).

3. Reach out to resources. If there is no imminent danger, find a psychiatrist and make an appointment. If you’re unsure where to turn to for resources and help, call your local mental health authority. Every county has one, and they can help you navigate. Additional help for finding resources can be find through NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) - which is a national organization, but also has affiliates in your state. They are a wealth of information, and exist for people like us. Contact them and ask for help.

4. Be safe. Once you know that mental illness is going to be a part of your life, it is vital that you get as much knowledge and understanding of the illness as possible. A good place to start is here: Understanding Mental Illness.

5. Don’t hide. Tap into your support system. Because of the stigma that still exists around mental illness, it can be hard to talk about. Find a trusted resource and tell them what’s going on. Don’t hide. You can’t do this on your own.

6. Separate the person from the illness. Mental illness can make someone we love do and say some pretty unimaginable things. It’s very important to remember that when your loved one isn’t acting like himself, or is saying ugly things to you, that it’s the illness at work. As the illness gets more under control, you’ll see your loved one start to come back again. Always err on the side of “he can’t behave well” rather than “he won’t behave well”.

7. Set boundaries. That being said, though - set boundaries for safety and respect, while keeping your expectations realistic. You can love someone AND set boundaries. Remember - safety first. Always…..safety first.

8. Be gentle. Mental illness is extremely disorienting to those who have it. We often want them to just understand it, and take care of it. However, the illness often prevents them from being able to do this. So be gentle and encouraging, and know that acceptance of the illness and compliance with taking medications sometimes takes a long time. Be patient with resistance; it will take time for him to accept that his life has changed, and that he has an illness that he’ll have to deal with for the rest of his life.

9. Ask questions. Don’t be afraid to reach out to the physicians, therapists, and social workers taking care of your loved one. Be as involved as you possibly can. Make suggestions. Be proactive. Most treatment teams appreciate having involved family members, and will welcome your feedback.

10. Don’t give up. Choose not to be a victim of mental illness. You are strong, and you’ll find ways to get through this. Get mad at the illness if you have to - but don’t give up. And take care of yourself.

Some experiences you might connect with: