Arguing with myself

July 25, 2017 ~ The other day, I stepped out of the hair salon to find a woman here - under this bridge - yelling and gesturing and clearly battling her demons.

My heart broke for her. She was having a crisis, and in her I saw past experiences with my son.

I felt like I needed to do something. I sat in my car and watched her for a few minutes, torn between decisions. I didn't think it wise to approach her myself. So I considered calling the police, just to have them do a welfare check. Just to make sure she was OK. But I hesitated. I was afraid to call the police. What if she became more agitated by their presence? What if she didn't understand that they were there to help? What if she became hostile towards them? The scene played out in my mind - a scene of tension and potential violence.

And, after arguing with myself for too long, I decided to drive away and leave her there.

I have felt terrible ever since. I felt like I abandoned her in a crisis. But what kind of world do we live in where we're afraid to call for help for someone in crisis because we think the helpers will make it worse? If she were lying on the ground bleeding, I wouldn't have hesitated to call. But I could have trusted that the people who came to help her with her medical crisis would be patient and gentle and compassionate. I wasn't sure that would happen in this situation. Maybe it would have. Maybe I should give the police more credit. But the stories of all the times it hasn't gone the way it should have.....well, they stopped me. I felt better leaving her to her demons than calling for help.

What a strange thing mental illness is. And how much still needs to change before we don't need to be afraid to ask for help for someone who needs it.