Choosing happiness
June 20, 2017 ~ If mental illness were an Olympic athlete, it would hold the gold medal in the sport titled Stealing Happiness. It's notoriously good at it. And I am notoriously good at allowing it to succeed.
How can I possibly enjoy a beautiful afternoon in the park, when my son's "on unit" level means he can't go outside until a hospital staff member decides it's time to go into the courtyard?
How do I enjoy a homemade dish of spaghetti when all he gets is hospital food and fast food that I bring him on visits?
How do I snuggle into bed at night under my soft comforter, listening to peaceful nighttime sounds through the open window while he sleeps under a standard issue hospital blanket and listens to his voices, or the patients who loudly voice anxiety in the halls, or hospital doors banging closed all night?
How can I possibly enjoy life, when he is unable to?
It always seems that no matter what I'm doing, there's a little dark cloud following me around.
But I've begun to understand that while I'm waiting for happiness to find me, mental illness is standing on the podium gloating in its victory. That just makes me mad.
So the word of the day is "intentional". I know you know what it means, but here's the official definition: "Done on purpose". That's it. (I love it when Webster is succinct.) If you're into synonyms you might also like deliberate, planned, or purposeful.
I think we can do ourselves a favor by being intentional in our happiness. I'm not talking about finding joy here - that seems too formidable a task. Let's just take baby steps. I
nstead of intentionally pushing away a pleasant moment, I'm going to try to get better at intentionally embracing it instead.
Taking a little pleasure in a clear starry night, or the hug of a child, or a joke shared with a friend is a good start.
Chips and guacamole, a dog who greets you at the door with a wagging tail, a favorite song turned up loud and rowdy in the car, or a long hot shower are not sins to confess.
They're little life treats to enjoy - gifts from the universe to remind you that you deserve to feel contented every now and then.
So let's stop feeling guilty for finding a little happiness here and there. Intentionally choose to turn up the music. Go overboard and put butter on the bottom, in the middle, AND on top of the popcorn at the theater. Purposefully close your eyes when the sun warms your face, and smile when the thought occurs to you that, even if it may be fleeting, there is no finer moment than this one right here. In other words: kick mental illness off the podium. It doesn't deserve to win.