Change
Three days ago, I “celebrated” the 4th anniversary of my son going to the State Hospital. The winds of change blew hard then, and it terrified me. I remember walking into the administration building for his admission process, and feeling like everyone I met should immediately be mistrusted. (This is what fear does to us - it prevents us from allowing other people the chance to help us.) I felt like a crystal glass that had a crack in it, and the least amount of additional pressure might cause me to shatter into a million little shards. After what his illness had put us through before that day, it is no wonder that I was a mess.
Sometimes it surprises me that I survived it and the months preceding it. And it also feels somewhat miraculous, gazing back over the last four years, that I not only survived but in many ways I am a better, stronger person.
But the carousel doesn’t stop. Today I find myself still learning how to wield the sword against mental illness in my son while also suddenly caring for parents who, seemingly overnight, have become old, frail, and in need of a great deal of care. In addition, I fear that an important friendship is in peril, and work dynamics have changed to be much more stressful.
In other words, the winds of change are always there - sometimes kissing us with a soft breeze, and sometimes making us scurry for cover - but they are continually blowing.
So of all the things I’ve learned since that day when I walked into the administration office at the State Hospital, this is probably the most important: the things we go through in life are meant to change us. We are not designed to stay stagnant, and the only way to grow is through change. But we can choose whether or not the change is for the better, or if the change will be for the worse. We can choose to allow the change to make us hard-hearted, bitter, faithless, or wary of life. Or we can choose to allow the change to be a catalyst for our growth, making us more aware of the struggles of others, helping us learn new skills, or deepening our understanding of life.
We can choose to let our challenges crush us.
Or we can choose to be open to the learning and growth that comes through change.
Perhaps this is easier said than done. But I do know that we are creatures who are capable of amazing and wonderful things, and we should actively fight the inner and outer voices that tell us otherwise. Will you choose to let life’s changes crush you? Or will you choose to be the amazing and resilient creature you are meant to be? You have been given the power to make that choice, you know.
You can do this.
Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.
Rumi