Friends, As Long As It Works

One truth to be found in mental illness is that it clarifies, over and over, who your real friends are. The lesson is repeated with agonizing regularity: not every friend will stick with you - even those who said they would, and you being a good friend to them doesn't change matters much. In some heartbreaking situations, it doesn't change matters at all.

Mental illness, like Harry Potter's Sorting Hat, works to categorize people in your life into those who will never leave you to battle alone, and those who completely walk away. And then there is the class of friends who say they'll be there for you - but they turn up only when it's convenient for them. I do believe those are the most painful of all.

Admittedly, it's hard to be a friend to someone whose life has been marred by the presence of mental illness. Even if you greatly love the person who has schizophrenia, the illness can be hard on friendships.

And being friends with someone (like me) who is helping a loved one with mental illness can be equally as hard. We tend to want to talk about things that aren't fun to talk about. Sometimes we're sad. Mostly, we're just angry and spend a lot of time raging at the system.

People who are content with their lives don't like to gaze on people who are sad, discouraged, or hurting. Who can blame them? It reminds them of the fragility of their own lives, so they will often go on their way, and leave you alone to deal with whatever weight it is you're carrying.

This is true even for people who recently have had their own challenges, but fortune has smiled on them and they can now be sorted into the House of Happiness. How quickly we forget....

If mental illness has sorted your friends, and you're finding yourself more alone than you'd like, or you’re in the unenviable position of trying to maintain a friendship with someone who doesn't seem as invested anymore, I offer you this, which has served me well as my own Sorting Hat:

Never beg someone to be in your life.

If your texts, calls, and visits get ignored, walk away.

It's called self respect.

There is no need to chase people. Work hard and be yourself instead.

Be an example.

And the people who belong in your life will come find you.

The right people.

Those who will love you no matter what.

Those who will stick around when times get tough, will be proud of you, will treat you well.

And will always make you a priority.

Because that is what you deserve.

Nothing less.

Stay strong, moms.