Compassion fatigue

April 17, 2017 ~ When my son was a baby, often the only way I could get him to sleep was to hold him on my shoulder and gently pat his back. I remember those middle-of-the-night back patting sessions so well. Tonight, when I dropped him off at the hospital after our off-campus visit, we had to wait for someone to open the door. It hadn't been a good day for him, and he wanted a long hug. Without thinking about doing it, I realized that I found myself patting his back, just as I did when he was a baby.

He isn't a baby. He's an intelligent and clever young man who is a good head taller than I am. But this illness sometimes reduces both of us to moments like this. I quickly had to wipe away the tears so he wouldn't see them.

I realized as I walked away from him that I was in that dangerous place of fatigue where everything seems harder.

You know the kind of fatigue I'm talking about. It's physical, yes, but it's also an emotional weariness - a heaviness that leads to negative thoughts and a headache, being too tired to sleep and having a tendency to dwell on the idea that this is the rest of your life.

Caring for someone with a mental illness is challenging. The behaviors can be unpredictable. It's easy to forget that harsh words are the illness talking to you, not the person you love. We grieve for the person we've lost. And some days, it doesn't matter what you tell yourself or what you do - it's hard to believe that this is ever going to be OK.

I tell you this because I know you frequently feel this same exhaustion. Many of you have much greater challenges than I have and yet, you soldier on - taking care of everyone else and not stopping to think what it's doing to you.

Compassion Fatigue is not only a real thing, but it's a serious thing that can lead to burnout and health issues and an inability to find joy in life. It happens to people like us who provide care for someone else, but don't take time to provide care for ourselves.

But there is something you can do about it.